white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
