Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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