I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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