somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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