Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
