we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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