How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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