I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
