p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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