Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize