I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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