I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
