sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
