Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
