you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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