I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
