I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize