i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
