I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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