Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no, he came in my armpit
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
