How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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