you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
