Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
