He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
