she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
