3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
