hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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