please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
