you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
