i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
