Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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