can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
