So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
