Sober January is a disaster.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
