Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
