I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
