If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
