y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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