2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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