Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
