don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
