I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
