i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
