You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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