Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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