OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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