The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
