you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
