Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
