this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
