i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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