It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
