You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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