I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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