I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
