Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
