I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
