Jerry, you need to find god
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
