Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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