i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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