Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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