Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
