Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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