some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's never too late to be topless.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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