a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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