If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
