I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
