i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
