Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
