I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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