how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
