just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
