her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
